My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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