I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize