Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
