Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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