My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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