My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
