You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
