Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
