all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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