You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
