and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
