I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
