so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
