were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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