Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
