Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
