She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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