do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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