Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
