Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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