It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
