I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
