Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
