it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
