just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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