Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
