he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
