I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
