I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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