I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
