And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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