Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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