yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
