I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
