I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
