i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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