We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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