this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
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I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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