At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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