he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
