Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
