First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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