Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
