its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
