I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sobbing to NWA
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
