Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
