so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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