What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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