there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
