I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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