you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
