just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
