I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
vagina is talking i cant
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Success! We fucked roommates!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
