I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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