I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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