im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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