puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
