god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
