i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
