I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize