Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
