there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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